thuvia ptarth

snarp

SETONA MIZUSHIRO: You know what I feel like doing today? I feel like making something shamelessly commercial.

HER MANAGER: Oh, my god, really?! That would be great! Because, you know, most of your stuff is very difficult and mature, and it's kind of a hard sell -

SETONA MIZUSHIRO:Sometimes you just get in the mood, I guess! Okay, so we're gonna have 1) hot vampire guys who 2) run an adorable cafe while 3) competing for the love of 4) an EGL-themed girl named 5) Alice. There will be 6) identical twins who are devoted to each other but have communication problems, 7) a cheerful, doofusy guy who is secretly a twisted schemer, and 8) a tormented amoral alpha male who's a 9) gypsy 10) singer. There will naturally also be 11) some homoeroticism, in part because 12) vampires cannot have straight sex without killing their mates... there's got to be 13) an evil magical tattoo... and damn, I can't figure out how to fit in the genderbending reincarnated alchemists who escaped the Nazis.

HER MANAGER: No, no, that's perfect! That's great! Except, well - these sequences about the staid high school teacher who finds herself falling in love with a student are actually much more compelling than most of the vampire stuff. And the alpha male guy is totally reprehensible. And the sex isn't at all hazy and metaphorical, like you expect in a vampire story - it's very out in the open, and frequently crass and demeaning. Also, all the scenes where spiders pour out of the vampires' mouths are kind of -

SETONA MIZUSHIRO: Oh, that's right! I almost forgot. I'm Setona Mizushiro, bitch.